Independent. Now what?

Reposted from July 2023

In May of 1997, the phone rang in our little old house in the country. I remember Dad answering it in the kitchen and saying, “Hello? Oh, no…are you there now?”

I came into the kitchen as a nosy 14 year-old kid and looked at Dad, trying to gauge by his face what was being relayed from whoever had called us. But I didn’t have to. He heard me walk in and turned to me with a half-shocked expression and mouthed the words “Grandma died.”

I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, I only remember being in shock at the news. Grandma was gone? My Dad had lost his father at a very young age so I’d never met him. Grandma was the only grandparent who ever came to visit us. She’d come in the summertime for my birthday, and it was a joyful time when we saw her every year.

Now she’s gone? How is this possible?

I remember Dad hanging up the phone and crying. I was still in shock and didn’t know how to console him, but he dried it up and began calling other people, sharing the tragic news.

Fast forward to her funeral viewing service a week later just north of Detroit, Michigan. I was an anxious mess, meeting unknown aunts and uncles who would hug me and remark with wide eyes about how tall I was getting and how I looked like so-and-so. We lived far away in northern Michigan, so I was used to roaming the fields and forests alone, not being thrust into a social arena with people I didn’t know who peppered me with questions.

But as awkward as that was, it was nothing compared to Grandma laying in the casket at the front of the room. I wasn’t prepared for that. I had never been to the funeral of someone who I knew so well, but there lay Grandma still and unmoving, while little kids played on the floor and adults talked about the good ol’ days a few feet away.

I remember being sad, but more confused than anything else. When the funeral came I watched from a few rows back as Dad and his sister in the front row cried during the funeral service. I still wasn’t crying. There was no separation yet. Grandma was still there, laying in the casket.

When the funeral ended people began leaving and only the closest family remained for a while. I eventually found myself seated in a chair up front just waiting around to leave…then reality hit me.

We’re leaving. Grandma is not. I’m never coming back to see her. She’ll never come to see me ever again. This is it.

When they came to get me to leave I just started sobbing. It was overwhelming. That was the first time someone I knew and loved was taken from me. Separation is painful. The more they tried to console me, the harder I cried.

I remember when Dad told me a week later how strange it was living in this world without his parents…that it was a weird feeling not having them there in his life. He remarked about the odd, empty feeling of independence.

My wife lost her Dad yesterday. We all lost him. I know that he’s in heaven with his Savior Jesus Christ, but there is now a hollow area in the family tree that will never again be filled with his life, only his memories. I can see the same empty look of independence on her face sometimes, just like my Dad wore on his face. But she’s trusting God through it all.

When America declared her independence from Great Britain in 1776, there had to be more than one colonial American who got a little anxious and said, “We’re independent…now what?”

When you leave a familiar structure it can cause you to have fear and doubt about the future. How many times did the freed Hebrew slaves turn to Moses and complain about their newfound independence? “We don’t like this way of life! If only we’d stayed in Egypt as slaves…!”

Independence comes from separation, and it should force any human to seek God in dependence on Him. Left to our own devices, with no firm foundation or structure, humans will resort to depravity and destruction…every time.

My Grandma was a stabilizing presence in my life, and when she left I was shaken at age 14. I didn’t lean on the Lord then like I do now.

My father-in-law was a stabilizing presence in our family. We will attend his funeral in five days, and I’m sure that we will cry. But our hope and faith is in the Lord and He will uphold us with His righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Independence can be the worst thing or the best thing to happen to someone. If it causes any person to puff out their chest and move independent of God’s Word or wisdom, then the end of that life will be poor…no matter how much “self-success” was gained along the way.

But if a person will stand up straight and walk dependent on God’s Word and Jesus Christ, then the end of that person’s life will be rich, no matter how much loss comes along the way.

It’s a sad life without the Lord. It’s a sad person, family, and nation who doesn’t have a dependence on the Lord. That sadness is reflected in society right now. Society is sin-sick and far too dependent on useless idols. We need to depend on Him again.

When presented with independence, what is your response? Do you run hog-wild like the prodigal son, or humbly declare your dependence on God?

May God help us in times of personal loss and separation to seek His wisdom and direction. May God help us to use our waning freedom as Americans to declare our dependence on Him.

In God we trust. Keep your armor on.