Advice for a Young Man

My nephew texted me yesterday with a totally random question:

So I thought about it all day and then compiled six points that may help young men who read this. Following is my response verbatim:

You’ve asked a writer a question that would take many lifetimes to answer, so I’m just going to break it down into six points:

#1 God’s Order – If I’m not devoted to Christ, I’m just pleasing myself and I can’t run a household or lead like that. My leader in marriage has to be Jesus Christ, and Rachel’s head in marriage (for final decisions, human leadership) is me as long as I’m following Christ. If I stray from following Christ and start to lead/make decisions in a wicked or immoral way, she’s under no obligation to submit to my poor and ungodly leadership.

However, in the marriage covenant she is obligated to follow my lead and decision making as I submit to Christ and Gods Word. It’s an awesome privilege and responsibility to be a Christian husband.

1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

#2 Testimony – I was saved at 12, backslid and got into stupid and reckless things in my teens and twenties, then finally realized I was living life in the brambles of sin and God was on the plain path waiting for me to submit to Him. I did. He called me into ministry and cleaned the alcohol, cigarettes, and other wicked things out of my life.

Why do I mention that? Because a wife should know the testimony of her husband. I believe a Christian husband and father should have a testimony of salvation that is well-known in his family. It doesn’t have to be extreme, dramatic, or “R” rated, but I believe that a man’s family should know that he has been saved, knows it, shares it, and is on his way to heaven.

That confidence is what compels people to follow…it’s easier to follow someone who KNOWS his way through the dark woods than someone who just shrugs, points in a random direction, and says, “I guess we should go THIS way..?”

Rachel knows my testimony very well, and she can see what changes the Lord has made in my life. I think that’s important for a Christian man: have a transparent testimony of how the Lord saved you…and share it with joy.👍🏻

#3 Prayer and Study

I can call myself a follower of Christ but if I’m not spending time in prayer and study each day, then I start becoming a follower of the world. I know me…whenever my prayer and Bible reading suffers, then my flesh starts leading me. I don’t like that. There’s a lot of cool guns, cars, and engineering marvels that want my attention, but I need to daily tell my flesh to “shut up and sit down”.

It’s mighty hard to be an effective soldier if the lines of communication are down. If you don’t have a good daily devotional or other daily reading (in addition to the Bible) I highly suggest one. Meditate on His Word. Force your flesh to submit to Godly repetitions of prayer and study.

Rachel and I pray together every night. It’s one of my favorite parts of the day…I’m a better man for it, for sure…and it’s healthy for our marriage.

#4 Time and Talents

This world is an hourglass and people are just sand passing through it…but you’re a valuable grain of sand with a lot of God-given time and talents. How will you use them: for you or for Him?

The older I get, the more I want to accomplish. It’s funny, when I was your age I had all the time in the world and there was little hurry to “get serious” about accomplishing goals. Now, I have way more goals than time.

Couple that with the responsibilities of being a husband, a minister, and having a career and I really have to prioritize my time and talents.

I can’t lead my wife and home if I’m scatter brained, lazy, or burning the candle at both ends.

My point is this: You have so much time on Earth, ask God to help you prioritize things effectively for His glory. When you get married someday, it will be a necessary discipline.

Psalm 90:12

“So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”

#5 Protector

A Christian man should be the natural guardian of his wife, family, and home.

Men have a core need to feel respected, we’re just wired that way…but women have a core need to feel safe and protected. A wife and mother will be her most confident and happy when she knows she is safe from outside harm.

But a wife who is nervous and anxious cannot be her happiest…it’s just not possible. A worried wife makes a worried house. That may be due to some inner strife that is unrelated to the husband, but it’s not helped by having a weak Christian man in the home.

Rachel knows I’ll defend her with whatever I have on or around me at anytime, day or night.

#6 Lasting Advice

Best advice I got…When I was engaged to be married an 80 year old Christian man told me this:

“Everybody says marriage is 50/50, that each person needs to give an equal amount: hogwash. If you only love your wife enough to give just your half, you’ve already failed. Make up in your mind to go above and beyond for her, like 80/20, and if she loves you she’ll do the same, then the little competitive squabbles will hardly show up at all.”

He was right!

Advice #2…”Forgive Quickly and often”…If I’m a grouchy, offended, resentful person full of bitterness over something Rachel did or said, I can’t lead her effectively.

Clear the air, forgive each other, and move forward. My family is already full of bitterness and unforgiveness, and I don’t want to carry that poison in my life, so I let things go quickly…if it’s hard, then I give it to the Lord repeatedly until He gives me peace.